Really? Really!

In the last 24 hours, I've seen 4 films on my 501 list. I watched "Ride in the Whirlwind," "The Tall T," The Last of the Mohicans," and "12 Angry Men." 3 Westerns and a Drama!

The Tall T was without a doubt, so full of homo subtext - it was so evident. It was crazy! "Maybe I'll just take you from behind," or "He's the best ramrod I've ever had." Rich, I tell you people. Plus, the whole single yet never-met-the-right-woman tableau.

"Ride in the Whirlwind" was odd, it was my first Western film on this journey. I began watching it with a very blase attitude, you know, because I had to watch it. But, it's a charming film. People caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think it's telling about what we'll do to save ourselves and our personal humanity. We're not criminals, but sometimes we're forced to act like ones.

I loved the thoughtfulness of "12 Angry Men." Our prejudices and pre-concieved thoughts color everything we do. This was Sidney Lumet's first film. A few years ago I saw "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead." It was wonderful to see that his filmmaking remained as brilliant and captivating as "12 Angry Men."

"Mohicans," I remain . . . blah

The New Manifestation of my Nascent OCD

So, it's now President-elect Obama. How great is that? I hope Michelle starts wearing better things than that weird red/black Narciso Rodriguez dress. I applaud her thrifty H&M dress and other frugal outfits, but, um, Stacy and Clinton could read her some rules about dressing her body type.

I was at Costco last weekend. Not that I support really bad labor conditions, but that shit is just so cheap. Anyway, I make my way past the book table . . . and I spy, "The 501 Movies You Must See." As any obsessive-complusive person would do, I picked that shit up and took it to task. I got home and then typed the entire list into a word document and began crossing them off. The movies are divided into 10 categories, each with 50 movies from the dawn of time until about 2002.

I scored a 154 out of the 501. I was horrified that I never saw things like "Goodfellas," "Fame," or "Braveheart."

My best categories were Horror and Drama. I had two for War - if M*A*S*H and Good Morning, Vietnam count as war pics, apparently they do. A big doughnut for Westerns. Zero for 51. I gotta get on that.

This weekend's goal is to see two Westerns on the list and maybe a War one. There must be a reason that I haven't seen these. Help me Carrie Fisher, you're my only hope . . .

Political Motivation

No, I'm not running for office, nor should I. Seriously, ask my college friends. Plus, I don't want to shake hands with a bunch of people. Gross. I did, however, promise my dear friend in CO (need clever moniker) that if Obama wins, I'll restart my blog in a limited fashion.

It's a difficult choice. Hope the U.S. continues down its path of continued failed policies just so I don't get too angsty about what frivolity I'm going to write about. All told, it seems a small price to pay. Anyway, there is always some immaterial thing that grabs my attention and holds it.

In the last what seemed like 124-months of campaign nonsense, I did learn one thing: I love Rachel Maddow!!

Let's hope for an Obama win. Jesus, what am I going to write about . . . I'm already angsty!

N.B. I do have a special nickname for my "dear friend in CO" and she has the same for me but it might offend the developmentally challenged: retard. Hey Retard, I hope Colorado goes blue!

Spellcheck Makes You Look Stupid

I drafted this email to opposing counsel (two different attorneys) and while spellchecking the email, I see that the first two letters of the word are capitalized. I quickly click change and send out the email.

This is what the re: of the email now read "Case Name - Joint Preheating Statement." I feel like an idiot ... damned spellcheck.

Minnesota Meerkat Madness

If you haven't been watching The Animal Planet's show Meerkat Manor, you really should consider catching a few episodes. It chronicles the Whiskers family, a meerkat colony in Africa, and their relationships and familial structure. It's great to know that meerkats have the capacity to have dysfunctional families too - it's kind of like Knots Landing but with less shoulder pads. Plus, meerkats are adorable in that mongoose sort of way - unlike ferrets which are disgusting revolting vile creatures. (One time, during a fire drill in college during a rain storm, this nasty hippie dippie woman crawled into Zoopie's mighty Dodge Omni with her wet ferret - the whole car smelled like ferret and patchouli (which masked the cow manure smells usually found in Zoopie's car) - Gross! Anyway, you must love the meerkat.

Here's what has made me mad today. Some inattentive asshole parents and their ill-behaved demon spawn went to the Minnesota Zoo. Mind you, inattentive asshole parents and demon spawn are quite common at the Zoo so there is nothing new there. A 9 year old girl (yes, she was 9 years old!) decides to crawl up on a three foot rock formation, reach over a four foot glass wall, and pet the adorable meerkat. What I find appalling is that the parents either weren't paying attention (bad parents) or allowed her to do this (even worse parents). Guess what, a meerkat bit the little girl.

The inattentive asshole parents freak. The meerkats had been vaccinated for rabies and are unlikely carriers of the disease. What to do? The parents, who are responsible for the whole thing, didn't want their daughter to have to undergo a series of rabies shots. Instead, the Zoo had the entire family of 5 meerkats destroyed to test for rabies. Guess what? They didn't have rabies.

Sorry, if you're stupid enough to stick your hand in an animal's cage, you pay the consequences. If that means getting six shots (one in the wound and five on your thigh), then you get the shots. Hey little girl, boo fucking hoo, I hope the bite fucking hurts and leaves a giant scar and that you can never watch The Lion King without reliving the trauma and shitting your pants.

An Apology ... Sort of

I have been a bad blogger. I apologize. The past two months, life became rather hectic and I became distracted from blogging. It's not to say that many things didn't pop into my tiny little mind that I thought would have been good fodder for the blog (blog + fodder = blodder?), it's just I was feeling really lazy. Then, the passage of time compounded the problem. It's the phenomenon where too much time goes by to take some action and now it's just too uncomfortable because merely taking action acknowledges how much time goes by. Anyway, I'm over that and I solemnly vow to be better about boring friends and strangers with the mundane details of my life and my sporadic rambling thoughts.

Mea culpa.

Disaster Porn

This is genre populated by poorly written, poorly edited, and usually poorly acted made for television movies depicting massive natural disasters. It is highly addictive and usually must be kept secret from friends and family. I, sadly, must confess my love for the Disaster Porn genre.

Who doesn't love such offerings as "10.5"? Come one, Kim Delany as a misunderstood intellectual earthquake expert? Who couldn't love that? "Category 7" anyone? Want to watch Gina Gershon head up FEMA and battle massive tornadoes? She does so, but only with the help of weather experts Shannen Doherty, Tom Skerrit, and Randy Quaid. Or "Atomic Twister," which is one of my all time favorites. Sharon Lawrence plays the head of a nuclear reactor that is besieged by a series of deadly tornados. Olympian Carl Lewis has a cameo as a security guard at the facility who meets, quite possibly, the most improbable end of any disaster movie character. You see, Carl Lewis is sitting in his guard shack chatting with his wife over what to have for dinner. He sets out of the shack and continues on with his mundane conversation. His wife mentions something about a tornado sighting, and we see one and only one piece of paper go flying by. Carl turns and surprise, the tornado is right there behind him and he gets sucked up. Um ... aren't tornados really really noisy and aren't thousands of pounds of debris kicking around in there? Apparently in Tennessee, the tornados are super stealthy, like ninjas. Or Lucy Lawless as a USDA insect expert battling with bioengineered locusts in the eponymously named "Locusts."

The Weather Channel is airing a series called "It Could Happen Tomorrow" and it examines all of these disaster scenarios. It's a little too real for my tastes but excellent nonetheless. A great resource for disaster movies is Disaster Online.

Come on, you know you watched Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America ...

Reading Beats Interacting with People

I've always been a prodigious reader but lately I've either been reading voraciously or not at all. I bet I hadn't picked up a book since Christmas when all of a sudden I went on a buying binge and found myself with a mantle full of books to read. Here's what I've read in the past few weeks.

Sarah Vowell - Assassination Vacation. Great book especially because she takes a rather macabre subject and injects her brand of wry commentary. If you've ever had to pull off the highway to take a picture of the world's largest frying pan then this book is for you.

Alexandra Robbins - Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities. This is the book that perfectly crosses a sociological study of young women's behavior with the salaciousness of US Weekly. It was a bit too long though. It made me wonder if this is what sororities were like at Cornell.

Christopher Moore - A Dirty Job: A Novel. Crazy and wacky. Everytime I read one of his books I think ... hmmm ... crazy and fanciful. The two traits that make me both love and hate Christopher Moore books.

Sebastian Junger - A Death in Belmont. Ostensibly about the Boston Strangler, it's more of a commentary on race relations. For a while I went through a phase where I read a lot about serial killers. It made my mom worried ...

Steve Almond - The Evil B.B. Chow and other stories. This book is why people don't like short stories. I swear, if I ever meet Steve Almond, I will punch him right in the face (a la Annie Proulx (and I swear Greeth, I didn't take your Shipping News (why would I want it?))).

I'm now reading Sarah Waters' "Fingersmith" but only because the billing guy at our firm recommended it. I generally dislike English/Victorian novels but I though I would give this one a try.

Next up, is David Maraniss's "Clemente" about Roberto Clemente who was much more than a baseball player but more of an America hero. I'm very excited to read this, much the same way I was about Jane Levy's "Sandy Koufax" A Lefty's Legacy."

What can I say? I'm a gay man who loves baseball. Is that so wrong?

The Lazy Blogger

I've been lazy ... kind of ... well, I've actually been really busy with work and have been reading a great deal lately AND just got back from New York and Vegas. Let's focus on Vegas for a moment. Here's what I remember most about Vegas and it taught me my latest mantra, "Hey old lady, if you love your cheap perfume so much, after you bath in it, stay in your room to enjoy it and stay the fuck out of the elevator." By the time the elevator got to the lobby, I was almost in tears and not because of the 45 year old woman with white people dreadlocks in a tube top.

Age inappropriate clothing seemed to be the rule of thumb in Vegas. I did, however, enjoy watching the older woman work her side ponytail. I kept thinking of Tina from "Napoleon Dynamite." As I walked by her I whispered, "Tina, come get some ham. Gosh!"

I gambled too much, or should I say I lost too much money, and was dismayed to find that Vegas made me tired. Just two years ago I rocked Vegas for four days on like 8 hours of sleep with my Cornell friends. Of course with those kids, it's always an attempt to relive the "we're so crazy" days of college. I hate this getting older thing. It's cramping my "style."