You Know It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp
So many Oscar related thoughts. I think first, I should tell everyone that I correctly chose 18 out of the 24 Oscar categories and totally dominated in the Oscar pool. Somehow, in my mind, that is the paramount event from last evening. It helps that I managed to see all the best picture nominees (save Munich) and all the acting performances. Thus, I've seen a lot of movies. I also realized why I've never sat through an adaptation of Pride & Prejudice before.
Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Best Song): Sadly, Miss Dolly is now 0 for 2. I thought her Travelin' Thru was enchanting and given the overwrought theatrics of the other nominated songs, just plain simple and lovely. In hindsight, though, I think she should have had a giant gospel choir of transgendered folks behind her, swaying and clapping. In the Deep had its burning car and dazed zombies and It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp had its requisite pimps, afros, and hos, so why couldn't Dolly have some trans-folk? Oh, and by the way, Dolly, please stop with the crazy plastic surgery, you look absolutely freakish. We get it, you're tiny with huge melons. You look like what a puppet of yourself would have looked like had you been in Team America: World Police. Fuck yeah!
I also found it courageous and deeply spiritual that Three 6 Mafia won best song and finally had an opportunity to thank God. God is indeed powerful. Whenever I think of God, it almost always brings to mind "shit," "fuck," "niggaz," and "bitches" and then I immediately want to work those words into a song. Praise Jesus. On a Hustle & Flow related note, I thought is was great that Taraji Henson sang with Three 6 Mafia in her fabulous Marilyn Monroe dress. Taraji Henson was the humanity of that movie, her performance was wonderful.
Best Picture: I am thrilled that Crash won. I believe it was head and shoulders above Brokeback. Don't get me wrong, I loved Brokeback and thought Michelle Williams was stellar. Who knew that Jenn from the Creek had such acting chops? If you haven't seen Crash, please do. If you are remotely intelligent, you will also realize that although Brokeback is wonderful, Crash deserved the Oscar. Also compare Terrence Howard's performance from Crash with his turn in Hustle & Flow. That, my friends, is what acting is all about. Also lament the fact that Thandie Newton was overlooked by the Academy. Finally and amazingly, Sandra Bullock is wonderful in Crash. Any material that allows someone to utter the statement "Sandra Bullock is wonderful" must be great stuff indeed. I mean, even Keanu Reeves had the good sense to stay away from Speed 2.
Just so you know, I hate Annie Proulx. I hated The Shipping News both as a crappy book and then as a crappy adaptation of a crappy book. I'm glad they never showed her face during the telecast. I have no idea what she looks like, which for her, is a good thing. If I ever see her I would probably punch her in the face twice. Once for creating The Shipping News and then once again so that she could pass it on to Kevin Spacey for his horrible performance in The Shipping News (and K-Pax). So if you are reading this E. Annie, watch out. In fact, whenever I visit my friends the Greeth and Dr. A in Albuquerque, I always pull The Shipping News out of the bookcase and turn it spine in so that I don't have to look at it.
Best Actress: I know I gave Reese some guff earlier on. I do think she was wonderful in Walk the Line. The only problem with her singing though is that she sang much better than June Carter ever sang. Sadly, this win probably means that we'll never see Legally Blonde 3: the Heart of Blondeness, but then again, maybe not, Jamie Foxx did give us that Stealth movie. And, Marisa Tomei gave us ... wait, did she ever even work again?
Finally, please tell me that giant bows on the shoulder are not making a comeback. Charlize Theron, you should be ashamed of yourself. I understand that you shill for Dior and all but that dress was just cruel, to you, to me, to humanity. I think Dior must be mad at you or something. Naomi Watts, I'm glad you managed to pull your Givenchy dress-mess out of the paper shredder in time to present an award. Plus, that color completely washed you out. Your dress was even uglier than that band-aid colored dress Jennifer Connelly wore a few years back.
I'll leave you this question: what was Gary Busey doing at the Oscars?
Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Best Song): Sadly, Miss Dolly is now 0 for 2. I thought her Travelin' Thru was enchanting and given the overwrought theatrics of the other nominated songs, just plain simple and lovely. In hindsight, though, I think she should have had a giant gospel choir of transgendered folks behind her, swaying and clapping. In the Deep had its burning car and dazed zombies and It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp had its requisite pimps, afros, and hos, so why couldn't Dolly have some trans-folk? Oh, and by the way, Dolly, please stop with the crazy plastic surgery, you look absolutely freakish. We get it, you're tiny with huge melons. You look like what a puppet of yourself would have looked like had you been in Team America: World Police. Fuck yeah!
I also found it courageous and deeply spiritual that Three 6 Mafia won best song and finally had an opportunity to thank God. God is indeed powerful. Whenever I think of God, it almost always brings to mind "shit," "fuck," "niggaz," and "bitches" and then I immediately want to work those words into a song. Praise Jesus. On a Hustle & Flow related note, I thought is was great that Taraji Henson sang with Three 6 Mafia in her fabulous Marilyn Monroe dress. Taraji Henson was the humanity of that movie, her performance was wonderful.
Best Picture: I am thrilled that Crash won. I believe it was head and shoulders above Brokeback. Don't get me wrong, I loved Brokeback and thought Michelle Williams was stellar. Who knew that Jenn from the Creek had such acting chops? If you haven't seen Crash, please do. If you are remotely intelligent, you will also realize that although Brokeback is wonderful, Crash deserved the Oscar. Also compare Terrence Howard's performance from Crash with his turn in Hustle & Flow. That, my friends, is what acting is all about. Also lament the fact that Thandie Newton was overlooked by the Academy. Finally and amazingly, Sandra Bullock is wonderful in Crash. Any material that allows someone to utter the statement "Sandra Bullock is wonderful" must be great stuff indeed. I mean, even Keanu Reeves had the good sense to stay away from Speed 2.
Just so you know, I hate Annie Proulx. I hated The Shipping News both as a crappy book and then as a crappy adaptation of a crappy book. I'm glad they never showed her face during the telecast. I have no idea what she looks like, which for her, is a good thing. If I ever see her I would probably punch her in the face twice. Once for creating The Shipping News and then once again so that she could pass it on to Kevin Spacey for his horrible performance in The Shipping News (and K-Pax). So if you are reading this E. Annie, watch out. In fact, whenever I visit my friends the Greeth and Dr. A in Albuquerque, I always pull The Shipping News out of the bookcase and turn it spine in so that I don't have to look at it.
Best Actress: I know I gave Reese some guff earlier on. I do think she was wonderful in Walk the Line. The only problem with her singing though is that she sang much better than June Carter ever sang. Sadly, this win probably means that we'll never see Legally Blonde 3: the Heart of Blondeness, but then again, maybe not, Jamie Foxx did give us that Stealth movie. And, Marisa Tomei gave us ... wait, did she ever even work again?
Finally, please tell me that giant bows on the shoulder are not making a comeback. Charlize Theron, you should be ashamed of yourself. I understand that you shill for Dior and all but that dress was just cruel, to you, to me, to humanity. I think Dior must be mad at you or something. Naomi Watts, I'm glad you managed to pull your Givenchy dress-mess out of the paper shredder in time to present an award. Plus, that color completely washed you out. Your dress was even uglier than that band-aid colored dress Jennifer Connelly wore a few years back.
I'll leave you this question: what was Gary Busey doing at the Oscars?
posted by Happy Chicken at 10:07 AM
2 Comments:
Jennifer Connolly did look like a peeling sunburn that year didn't she? Anyway, I've got two tote bags left over from a previous promotion (link me, get a tote). If you'd like one, send me your address at chief-ten-bears@hotmail.com. The postage is on me!
Love your commentary! And I'm with you on Crash; I've had too many arguments with erudite NYC artsy types who thought it should have been called the ABCs of Racism. But I, you, and David Denby respectfully disagree.
(NB: If you ever need to defend a movie choice to a pretentious type, just drop David Denby's name. Toooootally works.)
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