People I Want to Punch in the Face
I just got back from five or so days in New York City and went to a total of six shows. They ranged from really funny (Spamalot), to uncomfortably bad (Tarzan), to decent (The Color Purple). One thing I noticed is that, without fail, there was always someone sitting near or behind me that deserved to be punched in the face - generally, they are classified as talkers, eaters, latecomers, seat kickers, and general idiots.
At The Color Purple, there were the three girls who came into the performance one hour and twenty minutes late. I mean, if you're going to be that late, you might as well not even go - run down to Times Square, grab a bite to eat at the Olive Garden and then hop the PATH train back to New Jersey. If I owned a theater, I would institute a strict policy that all people who arrive more than ten minutes late you be denied entry until intermission. Although I must admit the three latecomers did distract me momentarily from the woman behind me who seemed to be wrestling open a giant bag of Combos or something. Jesus lady, eat before the performance. I turned around and looked at her and let's just say that she could have waited until intermission. The performances were great although the material left a little to be desired.
Next was Spamalot and it was wonderful and funny. Fortunately, nothing sticks out in mind as being too obnoxious although listening to a group of sixteen year olds quote Monty Python while entering the theater wasn't too fun. I should give them slack as I think I might have probably done the same.
I then saw Ring of Fire which is a revue of Johnny Cash songs. The music was, of course, great and the performances were top notch but the staging of the numbers came of as a live Branson version of a Hee-Haw skit. It was very much, "Hey! Let's act out A Boy Named Sue." There was a woman behind me who insisted reading the Playbill to her boyfriend, as if he couldn't read it himself. Before the show I turned around and looked at her and she had that Soviet Internet Bride look although there wasn't any discernible accent. Anyway, about twenty minutes into the show, she gets up, pushes her way through to the aisle and disappears. She reappears right before the end of the first act and repushes her way back to her seat. At intermission I overhear her reading the musical numbers list trying to figure out what she all missed. As you know, Johnny Cash had a song called "Daddy Sang Bass" which, as we all know, is pronounced as "base." Sad Soviet behind me insisted, three times no less to read "Daddy Sang Bass" but pronounced it as the fish, not the vocal part. I found this incredibly funny and started laughing out loud. People in the aisle looked at me funny as I there was no one near me. This just made me laugh even harder until I was so far caught up in the giggle loop that I couldn't escape.
I saw Tarzan and it did not go well. First, the show was horrible. Second, the songs were not memorable. Third, most of the cast were dressed as apes and swung around on bungy cords and stuff. Four, the staging was really awful. Hell, I could have come up with a better concept than that. I'm still trying to figure out how Jane ended up taking her clothes off before getting caught in a giant spider's web. Oh, and I started laughing when the spider made it appearance. It looked like one of the aliens that always appears in the Simpsons' Halloween episodes. Five, kids, kids, kids. Six, talking kids with adults who didn't explain to their children about theater etiquette and the difference between watching a DVD and being in a show. I was forced to turn around and in a normal speaking voice publicly shame the woman and her two kids. It was fun!
Lestat was okay but I don't anticipate it having a long run. Of course, who would have thought Mamma Mia would have been a success. I had the privilege of sitting in front of someone who kicked the back of my seat about fifty times. This prompted me to mention during intermission that I would prefer he stopped.
Sweeney Todd was great although the person next to me was a mouth breather and smelled weird. Then, there was the man behind me who pretended to know much more about the show than he did. I think it was an effort to impress his date. It was apparent, at least to me a Sondheim aficionado, that this man was an idiot and deserved to be punched.
Basically, I love to go to the theater but hate everyone that sits around me. I wonder if that's a character flaw?
At The Color Purple, there were the three girls who came into the performance one hour and twenty minutes late. I mean, if you're going to be that late, you might as well not even go - run down to Times Square, grab a bite to eat at the Olive Garden and then hop the PATH train back to New Jersey. If I owned a theater, I would institute a strict policy that all people who arrive more than ten minutes late you be denied entry until intermission. Although I must admit the three latecomers did distract me momentarily from the woman behind me who seemed to be wrestling open a giant bag of Combos or something. Jesus lady, eat before the performance. I turned around and looked at her and let's just say that she could have waited until intermission. The performances were great although the material left a little to be desired.
Next was Spamalot and it was wonderful and funny. Fortunately, nothing sticks out in mind as being too obnoxious although listening to a group of sixteen year olds quote Monty Python while entering the theater wasn't too fun. I should give them slack as I think I might have probably done the same.
I then saw Ring of Fire which is a revue of Johnny Cash songs. The music was, of course, great and the performances were top notch but the staging of the numbers came of as a live Branson version of a Hee-Haw skit. It was very much, "Hey! Let's act out A Boy Named Sue." There was a woman behind me who insisted reading the Playbill to her boyfriend, as if he couldn't read it himself. Before the show I turned around and looked at her and she had that Soviet Internet Bride look although there wasn't any discernible accent. Anyway, about twenty minutes into the show, she gets up, pushes her way through to the aisle and disappears. She reappears right before the end of the first act and repushes her way back to her seat. At intermission I overhear her reading the musical numbers list trying to figure out what she all missed. As you know, Johnny Cash had a song called "Daddy Sang Bass" which, as we all know, is pronounced as "base." Sad Soviet behind me insisted, three times no less to read "Daddy Sang Bass" but pronounced it as the fish, not the vocal part. I found this incredibly funny and started laughing out loud. People in the aisle looked at me funny as I there was no one near me. This just made me laugh even harder until I was so far caught up in the giggle loop that I couldn't escape.
I saw Tarzan and it did not go well. First, the show was horrible. Second, the songs were not memorable. Third, most of the cast were dressed as apes and swung around on bungy cords and stuff. Four, the staging was really awful. Hell, I could have come up with a better concept than that. I'm still trying to figure out how Jane ended up taking her clothes off before getting caught in a giant spider's web. Oh, and I started laughing when the spider made it appearance. It looked like one of the aliens that always appears in the Simpsons' Halloween episodes. Five, kids, kids, kids. Six, talking kids with adults who didn't explain to their children about theater etiquette and the difference between watching a DVD and being in a show. I was forced to turn around and in a normal speaking voice publicly shame the woman and her two kids. It was fun!
Lestat was okay but I don't anticipate it having a long run. Of course, who would have thought Mamma Mia would have been a success. I had the privilege of sitting in front of someone who kicked the back of my seat about fifty times. This prompted me to mention during intermission that I would prefer he stopped.
Sweeney Todd was great although the person next to me was a mouth breather and smelled weird. Then, there was the man behind me who pretended to know much more about the show than he did. I think it was an effort to impress his date. It was apparent, at least to me a Sondheim aficionado, that this man was an idiot and deserved to be punched.
Basically, I love to go to the theater but hate everyone that sits around me. I wonder if that's a character flaw?
posted by Happy Chicken at 10:25 AM
1 Comments:
Now you know why we locals don't tend to go to musicals, at least not once they're out of previews. There's always some busload of tourists from Ohio that feel the need to 1)eat 2)talk 3)snore 4)eat and talk 5)talk then alternately eat and snore through the entire thing.
Post a Comment
<< Home